As soon as you are pregnant, many opinions pounce on you. This does not get better even after the birth of the baby. But what is it about all the tips and advice? Do I really need to make my baby scream? Do I spoil it too much if I always comfort it? Can my baby drink when he wants or should I breastfeed on a schedule? Do I spoil it then? Is my baby allowed to sleep in bed with me or will he be so spoiled that he will never learn to sleep in his own bed for the next few years? So many questions plague parents. But what is actually the matter of pampering?
What is pampering anyway?
Already in the Duden one finds two meanings for the term “pampering”. On the one hand, the result of fulfilling every wish and on the other hand, taking special care of someone and taking care of him so well that he feels particularly comfortable. So pampering doesn’t have to be anything negative. It can also mean that we show our special affection to someone. A surprise for the wedding day, for example.
Is it actually possible to pamper babies?
But what about babies? Is it possible to pamper a baby? Does this have negative consequences? When do you spoil a baby at all? In fact, you can’t spoil babies at all. A baby who has just been born needs our undivided attention. It needs protection, care and love. You should always react immediately when your baby is crying and not let yourself be persuaded that he will be spoiled by it. Only at the earliest towards the end of the first year of life do toddlers begin to perceive themselves as their own self. Before that, they feel connected to their parents. If you don’t have your own sense of self, you can’t be spoiled either. So when the baby screams, he calls for help. It needs something and that immediately. If you as a parent react quickly to this call for help, then it learns to trust you. It also learns over time that you will definitely come, even if you are currently prevented and need a minute to get there.
What can I do if my baby is crying?
So if your baby screams, then you don’t spoil him if you react to it quickly. You show him that you are there. Soon you will understand what it takes and you will learn to distinguish his screaming. Meanwhile, the bond between you and your baby grows. It learns to trust you and to find your way in the world for a moment alone. You can always pick up your baby for the first few months if you feel the need to calm him down.
How can I calm my baby?
But you can also calm your baby down in other ways. Sing something to him or stroke it. You can reassure him or read a story aloud. It quickly gets used to your voice and can be comforted without taking it up. In this way, you will also learn to recognize when it is in pain and when it is only complaining to be amused. Either way, it wants to be reassured by YOU. That’s why it’s your job to react quickly.
My baby can’t sleep
The baby can’t sleep and you’re faced with this mystery. Here, many parents also ask themselves the question of pampering. But if your baby can’t sleep, the same applies as when you scream. You can’t pamper your baby yet and you can calm your baby down. So let it sleep peacefully with you. Usually, babies and parents sleep better in the first few months if the baby sleeps in the same room. You can even breastfeed your baby to sleep if you feel it’s good for both of you. In most cases, the mother’s instinct is worth more than advice from other parents. Everyone has to gain their own experiences, because every child is an individual and there is no scheme F for raising children.
Where does the fear of pampering come from?
But where does this fear of pampering actually come from? People have had this fear for many years. It was feared that “spoiled goons” had their origin in an overly caring attitude towards infants. However, this has now been refuted. You can’t pamper your infant no matter how many times you pick him up, comfort him, put him on his chest, or let him sleep in your bed. However, if your child has passed his first birthday, you need to be careful. Now your child is developing his own head. It takes itself as an independent person and gets used to all the things you do on a recurring basis. That’s why you should now also draw boundaries if something doesn’t suit you. You want your child to learn to sleep in their own bed? Then the first birthday is the right time. You can also say that you need a moment when your child calls you. Since your child is now also learning to speak, they will be able to tell you when they really need help right away.
How is a child really spoiled?
Of course, there are spoiled children. But these do not arise from a caring attitude in the first year of life. If you want to avoid having a spoiled child, don’t shower your child with too many toys and don’t always immediately fulfill every wish. Make it clear to him that it is worth waiting for something. Help him to live with a “no” as well. So your child will not be spoiled.